What we do with time and what it does with us
Sometimes it's magic; sometimes it's some serious fuckery...
10:50 pm, Sunday
How you feeling sweetheart?
Are you moving on?
Are you sleeping ok?
Or do the nights go on and on?
I hope you’re eating well
I hope you’re staying strong…
I’m going to stop now. In case you didn’t know, that’s Passenger’s Sword from the stone. Great song, really.
Now, this is me asking. How has the month been for you? Were you able to navigate the SAD that comes with November? Did you find pockets of magic every now and then to remind you that maybe life’s worth living after all? Did you really live through this month? Did you?
‘Cos I didn’t.
I found a Mahmoud Darwish quote last week and it got me thinking about a bunch of stuff. Fortunately/unfortunately for you, I get to unload them here.
“Are we what we do with time, or are we what time does with us?” - Mahmoud Darwish. “In the presence of absence”
Things I do with time…
I read, eat, sleep, fall in love, fall out of love, have my heart broken, heal, eat again, eat some more, fall in love with my friends, play with my cats, talk to my parents, eat, eat cake, learn to swim, learn to ride a bike, fall off said bike with a scar as a souvenir, cry, cry, cry, pray for death, beg for death, eat, sleep, write, take pictures, make memories, pray, post shit on my stories, laugh at memes, eat, write crappy poems, read poems that make me cry, eat, remind myself that it’s food and not love, eat some more, hate myself, dream, dream, hope, dream, hate my body, love myself till the next hate cycle, eat, pray, fall in love all over again.
Things time does with me…
It buries some of my memories to protect me, teaches me patience, lies that things will get better, makes things better, hardens my heart, softens my heart, takes away my faith in humanity, restores my faith in humanity, fades my scars away, creates new things to scar me,,,,,,,,,,scars me, scares me, scars me, destroys my faith in humanity, takes my faith in God, makes me believe in God, tests me,,,,,,,tests me, hurts me, gives me hope, nurtures me, snatches my hope, hurts me, gives me good people, gives me the love of my life, gives me good memories, gives me a past, makes my present and hope for a future.
Dear Mr. Darwish, I’d say we’re a combination of what we do with time and what time does with us. A lot of it is ugly, completely out of our control, spins out of our hands, and makes us wish for a quick death; a lot of it is also heart-achingly beautiful and makes our existence a magical wonder. Time is one hell of a cocktail mix, and whether we’re in control or it’s completely up to time, we really just hope for more of the good, sweet-tasting, easy-to-swallow stuff.
Ya’ll have a great week! November has just 30 days and it’s almost over. Ho-ho-freaking-ho!
xoxo
‘Lara
🫂❤️